You are exactly who you chose to be

My life hasn’t always been easy, just like everyone else I’ve encountered suffering and did my best to overcome the experiences that wounded me in one way or another. I didn’t always do that in a graceful manner or as the hero I wanted to be, sometimes I failed miserably and lost myself in victimhood for a number of years following some experiences. When I look back at myself at different ages I see behaviour I could be ashamed of, experiences that could have victimised me and life events that could have defined me.

At age 15 I was highly depressed and emotionally volatile but determined to find the meaning of my life and didn’t give up until I found it. At age 25 I was motherless and in debt after I found out that my sexually, emotionally and mentally abusive boyfriend was a liar and a cheat, but instead of giving into the desire to end my life I paid off my debt and focused on the future that was waiting for me. And finally at age 36 coming out of yet another abusive relationship I made the decision to walk the pilgrimage to Santiago untrained to get my confidence back and reconnect to my heart.

For a while after each experience I allowed it to define me and after wallowing in misery for some time I always felt a strength in me rise, making me aware that I was so much more than what had happened to me. That I had to take my power back and not allow any experience to define me, that I chose who and what I am and might become, no matter who I’ve been before.

I believe that we all have this strength within us and more than that I believe that every single one of us can become whoever we want to be. There is a popular quote that states that we find out what we are made of in adversity, but from personal experience I can tell you that even if you crumble and fold at first, you can stand up at any time and chose to change your behaviour and redefine what you are made of. All that is required is the belief that nothing and no one defines you but you, unless you give them or it the power to do so and even that is a decision you make reminding you that the power lies with you no matter how you look at it.